Hi Reader,

I had to read the headline twice. "Dopamine dressing is out and Cortisol dressing is in," it proclaimed.

Cortisol dressing? What fresh hell is this?

I read on to learn about the now trending "Cortisol Closet," composed of soothing shades like butter yellow and oatmeal, which promises to alleviate anxiety from the outside in.

The name is a little weird. After all, dopamine dressing makes sense because dopamine is something people generally seek, whereas cortisol is the thing these clothes are trying to help us avoid.

But leaving that aside, it struck me that maybe the post may have identified something profound. Every few years we cycle between minimalism and maximalism, alternately craving color and pattern and then banishing it from our sight. Could the trend cycle be driven on a deeper level by a craving for certain neurotransmitters (or an aversion to others)?

Maximalism would be the dopamine arc of the cycle, where we feel under-stimulated and crave the pleasure of joyful sensations. We fill our spaces with wallpaper and knickknacks, our closets with vibrant hues. We accessorize and gild the lily. We do not edit.

Eventually, we find ourselves feeling overstimulated. All that stuff stresses us out. This is the cortisol (or cortisol-avoidance) portion of the cycle. We want to declutter, simplify. The patterns are pleasurable, but it's a lot of work to get everything to match. We want to reach into the closet in the morning and look put together. We'll take the hit to our pleasure if it helps us feel more in control, less overwhelmed.

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And in addition to my neuroaesthetic theory of trends, this week we have a Q&A with the author of one of my favorite new books, one thing to help you stop waiting for things to go wrong, and a big collection of delightful discoveries!

Joyfully,
Ingrid

One Thing

La la la it!

A topic that recently came up in the Commons is how often, instead of feeling excited in the lead-up to something fun, we start worrying about tiny logistical details, like how hard it will be to find parking. Psychologists call this bracing: anticipating frustration or disappointment as a way to protect ourselves from it.

The problem is that all that bracing leaves us stressed about problems that may never even materialize. We arrive frazzled, sweat the small stuff, and have less resilience if something actually does go wrong.

So my family has been practicing not bracing, specifically around parking, by singing “la la la la la” whenever we’re circling for a spot. Sound silly, but it's surprisingly effective. It’s hard to stay tense when everyone in the car is singing, and it serves as a lighthearted reminder to expect good things to happen. Now when we get a great spot, we say we “la la la’d it!” and it feels a little like magic.

Q&A with Jennifer Breheny Wallace

This month in our Commons Book Club, we’ve been reading Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose by Jennifer Breheny Wallace. The book follows her bestselling Never Enough, which explored the toxic side of achievement culture and the pressure our narrow definitions of success place on young people. In Mattering, she turns to a deeper question: how do we build lives of meaning in ways that can’t be measured on a résumé?

At the heart of the Commons is a shared desire to reimagine success through the lens of joy, whether that means pursuing big ambitions joyfully or building a quieter life one relationship at a time. So I’m thrilled to host Jennifer for a live conversation this Monday, May 18, at 12pm ET to explore these topics more deeply.

Commons members can join live inside the community, and nonmembers can sign up here.​

And to help you get to know Jennifer a little better before our conversation, I asked her a few of our favorite author questions:

Who is someone you met only once, but made a huge impression on you? An Episcopal priest at a cocktail party in New York. I told him I'd spent years struggling to reconcile how a single city, NYC, could hold so much wealth and so much suffering within the same few miles. He looked at me and said that question was probably my life's work—to figure out why and what can actually be done about it. I've never forgotten it. I'm still working on the answer.

What job do you secretly think you’d be really good at, and why? A therapist. I've been practicing without a license since my teenage years. I love listening to people's stories and helping them make sense of them.

What's something everyone should try at least once? Waking up at 4 a.m. as a real practice for a few weeks straight. It sounds punishing, but it has genuinely changed my life.

If you had unlimited time and money, what hobby would you take up? Sailing. No question.

What is something oddly specific that brings you joy? Being on a sailboat with my family and best friends on a sunny 75-degree day off the coast of Maine.

What's something you used to dislike that you now appreciate deeply? My early wake-ups. Those 4 a.m. mornings are such a gift to me.

Pick up a copy of Mattering here, and join us Monday (even if you haven't read the book!) for what promises to be a powerful conversation.

Delightful Discoveries

IKEA just dropped a joyful, affordable new collection​

I had the pleasure of working with an amazing stylist on a video project last month. She picked this stunner of a dress for me and it is all I'm wearing this summer. (It was a real reminder of how one beautiful "right thing" in your closet can be worth five cheap wrong ones.)

Fun summer vacation activity: family color hunt! (Watch through to the results, which are awesome)

​A popup art installation inside an LA hospital explores emotions through the eyes of 80 different artists

I've been begging for this mineral sunscreen in an SPF 50. It just launched, right in time for summer

I'm calling it: no-phone parties are going to be everywhere

Related: a 4-week challenge to help you break your phone addiction​

If you're looking for a job, this is a must-read​

A wild breakthrough in longevity research​

I'm now in my fifth month with no alcohol, and loving it. Excited to make this drink for summer sipping

Having fun thinking up uses for these adorable tiny pans (making a mini Dutch baby, frying one egg for the top of my lunch, melting exactly enough butter for one artichoke!)

Hands down the best contribution to the hide-the-TV genre​

​This hair towel is the kind of mundane thing that actually makes my life so much better. The band keeps it on securely, and it wicks so much moisture that it cuts at least five minutes off my hair drying time (which, with a kid who gets up early, is everything!). 15% off with code INGRID15

Really inspired to try to make an island cake for an upcoming birthday, though the difficulty level looks HIGH

​Say this before you sit down to do your creative work!

Quote of the Week

"The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything: the better you are with your loved ones, the better you are with your enemies, the better you are at your job, the better you are with yourself."

— Bill Murray